As an advocate for women to celebrate their achievements, you'd think I'd be adept at embracing my own success. Yet, that is far from the reality I face.

If you've followed my journey, you might have noticed I often share reflections on my yearly accomplishments, particularly around my birthday in January—a time often associated with resolutions and personal goals.

Having just turned 29, I find myself wondering if this officially marks my late twenties.

After the New Year celebrations welcomed us into 2024, I revisited some of my previous reflections and felt a wave of disappointment wash over me. I couldn’t help but cringe at my own words. Did I really have to boast that much?

In reviewing my past writings, a strange truth emerged: despite the boasting, I felt no real satisfaction. Not then, and likely not even when I initially composed those pieces.

If my personal narratives were not driven by true pride, then what was the motivation?

I had to confront the fact that I had been viewing my achievements as mere accessories. They seemed less about my own reflection and more like proof of my productivity—Look at all the things I’m accomplishing!

These writings were a way for me to feel accepted. I wanted to show that I could hustle like everyone else, despite the fact that this has never been the essence of who I am or why I write.

While I surely experienced moments of self-worth during my writing process, all I remember is the anxious feeling of hitting publish, with my inner voice nagging, “What’s next?”

My sense of self-worth was tied to the relentless metrics of productivity instilled in me by past micromanagers and the current hustle culture. Even now, I find my thoughts distracted by the number of articles I've published on Medium this year.

Nineteen. While that’s more than I anticipated, it still didn't seem sufficient for me to reward myself with even a small acknowledgment.

Throughout my childhood and following my ADHD diagnosis, I often felt an overwhelming guilt regarding my challenges. This guilt intensified after enduring multiple traumas over the past decade.

Navigating life with executive dysfunction stemming from PTSD makes every task seem insurmountable. I suspect these writings were a way for me to prove to both the world and myself that I can achieve.

Pride should not be a facade crafted for potential readers to earn the validation that my inner child has long sought.

Everything is clearer now. Accepting compliments has always felt awkward for me. I often lower my gaze or turn away when someone praises me. After a shy attempt to express gratitude, I quickly change the subject, as if I have something to conceal.

As someone dedicated to empowering others through self-belief, I must admit I feel somewhat disingenuous.

To cultivate joy, I need to recognize and celebrate my achievements—those beyond mere numbers or societal expectations, but all the moments I deserve acknowledgment for.

It's time to genuinely celebrate. This won’t be my usual year-end recap; instead, I intend to share everything I've accomplished since my trauma, highlighting my healing journey. I’ve been told it’s not a linear path, but I didn’t truly grasp that until I experienced it myself.

This is a shout-out to those who struggle with accepting compliments. This is a message for me.

Moving forward, when I share my accomplishments, I will embrace them fully.

Four years ago, I made the significant decision to relocate from my hometown in New Hampshire to Northern Colorado. While this was partly due to a pandemic-related layoff, it was also driven by my need to be closer to my sister as we faced the traumatic challenge of a lawsuit from someone from our past.

During this tumultuous time, I spent months searching for lawyers willing to help two women with virtually no budget. I poured countless hours into building my case, digging deep into my memories to gather evidence and arming myself with knowledge about the civil justice system.

Though I never had the opportunity to present my case in court, my sister and I closed that chapter of our lives, preventing other vulnerable individuals from getting involved. While we had little control over the outcome, every action we took was about survival, and I consider that a significant achievement I will always remember.

Amidst all this, I graduated from the OVC Victim Advocacy Training program, allowing me to apply my knowledge in assisting sexual assault victims. It was in this role that I discovered my greater purpose: merging my knowledge with my creative skills.

Art has always been a source of healing and inspiration for me, and now it was my turn to contribute to the reservoir from which others draw strength.

On March 20, 2021, I published my first formal article, Identifying a Gaslighter, on my own WordPress blog, Eternal Metamorphosis. This was the first time I publicly shared my real name in a published piece that wasn’t on Facebook.

A few months later, I found the courage to apply to write for a now-defunct Medium publication called Fearless She Wrote. This was a significant step for me, as I was reluctant to seek feedback or validation for my writing, doubting my abilities.

On May 28, 2021, they published my first editorial piece. That moment of validation was truly remarkable.

Since that time, my writing has been featured in eleven different Medium publications. I've authored over 100 articles, primarily long-form pieces, along with some poetry.

At the end of 2021, I applied for a blogging position with a non-profit organization supporting victims of sexual violence called Say It Loud. I was hired and have since formed meaningful connections within this community. Recently, I was promoted to Head Blogger.

The year 2023 was filled with numerous ideas and projects, yet few truly flourished. While my writing consistency wavered, I developed my personal Instagram and even launched a brief poetry account. In total, I've created and edited 61 Instagram reels, garnering over 47,000 views.

In my exploration, I also ventured into TikTok. On this platform, I have written, performed, and edited 114 videos, amassing over 550,000 views.

I participated in three interviews for visual and audio media this past year. The first was on the podcast Cheating: When Love Lies with Jillian Hamilton, where we discussed my article, How Being Both The Ghoster and The Ghost-ee Saved My Life.

I also joined my colleague Meredith Graham on her podcast, Honest Hour, where we delved into the topic of dating with anxious attachment. Finally, at the end of 2023, I reconnected with an old high school friend, Carissa Deshaies, and we discussed healing, mental health, and pride on her podcast, Faith Over Fear.

Despite feeling busy, I was technically unemployed. Freelance writing and content creation weren’t enough to pay my bills, and it took a while after the lawsuit and my move to find stable employment. While this low-maintenance remote job distracts me from my passions, it does allow me to slowly pay off debts and save for medical treatment.

While my output has diminished due to the demands of work, I managed to complete the first draft of my poetry anthology and began drafting a new manuscript during National Novel Writing Month 2023.

In the last four years, I have traveled to eight different states in the U.S., taken up painting, and created a beautiful home with my partner. My cooking skills have significantly improved, and I now prepare most of my meals from scratch.

I incorporate fruits and vegetables into my daily diet and aim to be active at least three times a week (well, most weeks).

I write and read something every day, driven by a passion for curiosity and exploration. I’ve learned to stop blaming myself for things beyond my control and have grown comfortable with the idea that doing my best is all I can offer.

Success can be defined in countless ways, and I’ve finally accepted that my journey meets those criteria.

Admittedly, I feel a bit uneasy sharing these reflections, envisioning how they might be perceived by others. However, the more I read through them, the more excited I become. Visualizing how far I've come over the years serves as a crucial reminder that motivates me to continue.

I hope my journey inspires others or at least brings a smile as they reflect on their own growth despite life’s challenges. We all face obstacles. And don’t get me started on the current state of society—I could write several essays on that topic.

Chances are, you’re doing great considering everything!

These accomplishments may not encompass my most ambitious goals yet, but I am still technically in my twenties. There is so much more to explore. Who will future-me be, and how much more will she have to be proud of? This list is only the beginning.

Through this essay, I have learned the importance of recognizing that my vibrant future is already manifesting itself right now.

Although I often advocate against hustle culture, I’ve found myself measuring my worth against societal standards that I know to be ableist and unjust.

My achievements won’t resolve my internal struggles—especially if I neglect to celebrate them before diving back into the grind. What is the value in any of this if I overlook my own well-being in the process?

In 2024, I will prioritize tranquility, balance, and health. I made a similar commitment last year but fell short. These aspects of life should not be treated as rewards that come after working “enough” to deserve them. I recognize that I won’t reach my full potential as a writer until I prioritize these elements.

So, here’s to the new year—a time when I commit to crafting a life that feels worthwhile every single day. From now on, I will take moments to embrace this unusual feeling of pride until it becomes a natural part of my experience.

Will you join me? I encourage you to create your own list of the beautiful ways you’ve grown over the past few years. Not just the metrics of productivity—though you may be proud of those too—but anything that required effort and focus.

Perhaps you finally organized your closet, completed an associate's degree, climbed a mountain, or made that long-overdue doctor’s appointment. Maybe you expressed your love to someone.

Share your accomplishments with an audience of one—yourself. Read it, re-read it, and display it where you can see it daily. You might even consider publishing it on Medium! Spread the pride.

Grab some colorful pens and markers, and keep adding to the list as time goes on. Watch it grow as you unabashedly revel in your successes.

You are undoubtedly achieving far more than you give yourself credit for.

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