Adjust Your Expectations

Individuals with ADHD or those on the autism spectrum are often termed neurodivergent, acknowledging a spectrum of brain functionality. Autistic individuals experience neurological differences that are not typically encountered by their neurotypical counterparts.

Recognition of ADHD and autism in adults has only gained traction in recent years. Neurodiverse parents often face unique challenges that are not present for neurotypical parents.

In the context of American society, being an autistic parent can be likened to a full-time endeavor. Many individuals on the autism spectrum may also experience ADHD, resulting in a compounded set of executive functioning difficulties. Effective planning is crucial, especially for single parents working from home.

Sara Deweerdt, in her article “The unexpected plus of parenting with autism” published in Spectrum News, outlines the hurdles faced by autistic parents regarding executive functioning:

> "Parents with autism may face practical challenges borne of their condition. For example, many people with the condition struggle with executive function, the set of complex mental processes that allow people to plan and carry out daily activities. They also have a tendency to become deeply immersed in what they are doing— to the detriment of other priorities." — Spectrumnews.org

Despite these hurdles, many autistic parents successfully navigate everyday life.

Let’s explore how you can achieve your goals and maintain a balanced life as a single neurodiverse parent.

Manage Your Expectations

Keep in mind that you are essentially juggling three full-time roles simultaneously. You’re running a household, navigating the nuances of autism or ADHD traits (sometimes both), and fulfilling the demands of an income-generating job.

Be kind to yourself—recognize your limits. Some days will feel like an uphill battle, while others may leave you feeling agitated. It’s understandable if work feels overwhelming at times. Give yourself permission to take breaks when necessary.

When expectations are set too high, the likelihood of giving up increases. Instead, pause briefly before returning to your tasks and goals.

This principle applies to everyone, not just those who are neurodiverse. We have all endured a global pandemic that continues to influence our lives. Let’s show ourselves and each other some compassion.

Develop a Simple, Manageable Schedule

I admit, I haven’t formalized this concept yet. It’s common for me to take a long time to implement such plans. Thus, I stress the importance of keeping a low-pressure schedule.

That said, I have a sense of what works best and typically stick to it. I utilize small windows of time, such as early mornings, post-lunch, and early evenings when my children are occupied with a show. The flexibility of working from home as a writer is liberating, but without commitment, motivation can wane.

While balancing parenting and work, we all have pockets of time to utilize. On days filled with errands or social engagements, I may not accomplish much. However, I still aim to produce articles weekly or monthly.

Set realistic writing goals. For me, crafting an article like this takes 2 to 3 hours, often spread out over several days. My target is to write three articles weekly, ideally achieving six or seven.

Parenting can necessitate a departure from your schedule. I experienced this recently, which was frustrating. However, if we have a framework in place and can manage minimal productivity on other days, we are in a good position.

As neurodivergent adults, we should seize opportunities for productivity when they arise. Many of us experience periods of hyper-focus, a burst of energy that compels us to concentrate deeply on one task. While it may not always be sustainable, when it happens, it’s beneficial to take advantage of it, provided it doesn’t disrupt other responsibilities.

When I am particularly passionate about a topic, I can produce a well-crafted piece in one sitting, though it may require over an hour. That’s when I harness my hyper-focus effectively.

Nonetheless, inspiration isn't always guaranteed, and we may encounter creative blocks. Therefore, our schedules should accommodate the ebb and flow of our productivity cycles.

I intentionally avoid defining strict work hours since I have found that approach ineffective. Life happens, and schedules can shift unpredictably.

For those with external deadlines, an hourly schedule may be necessary. However, independent workers benefit from the flexibility to adjust their hours daily.

Record Your Goals on a To-Do List

Putting your tasks in writing enhances their significance. Compile your work and home objectives on paper, and relish the satisfaction of checking them off. Focus on items you are confident you can complete, as some may feel overwhelmed by incomplete lists.

Take time to celebrate when you accomplish even one task. Avoid overloading your list with more than you can realistically manage to prevent feelings of being overwhelmed.

Consider maintaining a “done” list to recognize achievements you may have overlooked. I often jot them down at the bottom, creating the satisfaction of checking them off.

Recognize Your Triggers and Build Your Toolkit

You know that feeling when something shiny catches your attention, and you exclaim, “squirrel!”? It’s crucial to minimize distractions and compulsive behaviors by equipping ourselves with simple tools.

Items like chewy necklaces or sensory toys can enhance focus and alleviate anxiety. Using earbuds or earplugs helps cut down on noise, while listening to specific genres of music, like singer-songwriter, aids my concentration during writing.

What we engage in throughout the day, whether before or after work, matters. I strategically incorporate downtime, especially after running errands. Adequate sleep and exercise are also vital.

My children and I take daily 30-minute bike rides when weather permits, which boosts our overall well-being. Practicing meditation and mindfulness is essential to manage triggers and enhance our ability to work from home. Staying present is key.

Many autistic individuals can feel overstimulated in busy environments. Personally, I struggle to remain in crowded spaces for extended periods, even in safe, friendly settings. I require moments to decompress, either in solitude or in nature.

Recently, I felt overwhelmed in a thrift store due to the heat, stuffiness, and overwhelming scents. Loud announcements triggered me, leading me to cover my ears. Sensory overload from noise, crowds, and synthetic fragrances can be challenging.

I recently ordered Flare Audio Calmer earplugs to mitigate noise while still allowing conversation. I am eager to see how they help manage sensory input. Noise-canceling headphones or earbuds can be valuable tools for navigating noisy environments with greater ease.

Stimming—repetitive movements or vocalizations—can help regulate emotions and stress. It’s often misunderstood, yet it serves as a comforting mechanism to process energy.

In Dr. Ian Davidson’s article featured in health.com, he discusses the purpose of stimming:

> "Stimming is a way to regulate stress and emotion. All of these behaviors lead to sensory inputs but also release significant tension and energy. Stimming is ultimately a stress-relieving mechanism, similar to talking with friends, jogging, or writing poetry." — health.com

Many may not recognize that I stim, as I don’t engage in overt movements. I only realized it when I shared in a psychology class that I often run my fingernails along my fingers, which my professor noted was related to my OCD diagnosis. I have since learned it also qualifies as stimming.

Embracing stimming as a coping strategy is both healthy and necessary. If you find it challenging to express stimming behavior in public, seek a private space to release that energy. Allowing stimming can positively influence every facet of our lives, including work.

Be vigilant against self-sabotage. It's easy to fall into prolonged social media scrolling. I occasionally find myself derailed by excessive time on platforms like Facebook instead of prioritizing productive activities.

I recommend postponing social media until your work is complete, then enjoying some leisure time online.

Conclusion

Navigating the complexities of being a neurodiverse parent while working remotely can present unique challenges, but they are surmountable. Let’s take a moment to acknowledge what we are already achieving. We are guiding our children through life while striving to be our best selves.

Working from home can sometimes feel like wading through mud, and anxiety may surface. However, we possess hidden strengths to uncover. It’s vital to leverage our abilities and treat ourselves with kindness during challenging moments.

Adjust your expectations, establish a practical schedule, and utilize helpful tools to navigate your workday effectively. We can do this!