Today, a story from my drafts, untouched for nearly a year since October 2023, resurfaced, urging me to share it. My hope is that it brings you insight and healing.

At the age of 13, I received a surprising confession from a classmate who once had a crush on me. This revelation clarified his girlfriend’s earlier confrontation at my locker, where she had threatened me if I approached him.

Being trusting, I took his words at face value, assuming his feelings were a thing of the past. As children, we had clashed in class, prompting me to request a seat change to avoid him. However, with his confession, our dynamic shifted, and we became friends.

By the time I turned 14, he was in a band and had agreed to perform at my birthday party. They rehearsed at my house, covering songs from bands like Nirvana and Green Day. His new girlfriend, however, was as confrontational as the one who had previously threatened me, harassing me in class out of jealousy.

On my birthday, she repeatedly called to check on him, attempting to intimidate me. During one of these calls, she bluntly asked if I was interested in him, to which I replied no. I later informed him of her inquiries, and he suggested I tell her I did like him. I declined, sensing it was a ploy to stir drama between us.

Reflecting on it now, I see that he was testing my interest, but I didn’t take the bait. He continued dating her until their relationship ended, while she persisted in bullying me, driven by her own insecurities.

I felt uneasy about her behavior, yet I also recognized it stemmed from her own feelings of inadequacy. She sought to control him through her harassment, revealing her own powerlessness in the relationship.

Despite my discomfort with her, I felt sympathy for her plight. Her attempts to dominate me were futile, indicating a distorted view of relationships shaped by societal norms. It was clear that her behavior reflected learned patterns from a patriarchal environment, where both boys and girls grappled with unhealthy dynamics in their interactions.

As kids approaching high school, I believed things would change, yet I remained unaware that my early experiences were merely the beginning of a cycle of karmic relationships. My father’s early death and my mother’s grief left me without a clear understanding of healthy relationships, aside from the examples set by my grandparents.

My grandfather had modeled respect and equality in relationships, which I hoped to find. However, I grew up enveloped in my mother’s sorrow, absorbing its weight and shaping my world view.

The dynamics I experienced were a reflection of a society grappling with distorted relationship patterns. These learned behaviors perpetuated cycles of insecurity, competition, and victimization among peers.

Throughout high school, I endured a decline in confidence, impacted further by my mother's unresolved grief. As I transitioned to adulthood, I unknowingly embodied distorted feminine energy, a common rite of passage for those on the path of the divine feminine.

Over the years, I encountered numerous toxic experiences, each layer of trauma building upon the last. The bullying I faced as a child led me to dim my light, making me reactive to jealousy and critical of myself.

By my teenage years, I was attracting individuals who sought to exploit my diminishing self-worth. This pattern continued into my university years, where I faced further relationship disappointments, leading to emotional numbness.

Yet, amidst the tumult, I began to recognize the need for healing. Therapy became a lifeline, and I started attracting healthier relationships, though old patterns occasionally resurfaced.

In 2011, I encountered my twin flame. Our connection was instantaneous, yet the shadows of past relationships loomed large. I hesitated, fearing a repetition of previous pain, but ultimately embraced the relationship that blossomed.

However, the inevitable separation revealed underlying patterns of fear and avoidance. Despite the love we shared, he was unable to step into his divine masculine energy, choosing instead the safety of familiar cycles.

His tragic death served as a stark reminder of the illusion of control. He had sought comfort in a relationship that perpetuated his fears, only to discover too late the truth of his choices.

Looking back, I recognize the patterns that had shaped my life. Each relationship was a lesson in understanding the depth of my own power and the nature of love. The divine feminine within me sought to reclaim her strength amidst the chaos.

As I reflect on my journey, I see the importance of embodying and sharing this light. The world desperately needs the wisdom and energy of the divine feminine, and my experiences have been stepping stones towards this realization.

Shine your light unapologetically, for it is needed now more than ever. Embrace your path, and trust that the universe is guiding you towards your true purpose. The journey may be challenging, but the rewards will be profound.